Scrupulosity: when confession becomes anxiety

Scrupulosity is persistent, anxious doubt about sin: fearing you've sinned when you haven't, that a small sin was mortal, or that your last confession didn't count. It isn't a sign of holiness, and it isn't your fault. Many people experience it as a form of OCD. The Church has helped scrupulous people for centuries, and the heart of that help is simple: one steady confessor, and trusting his word over your fear. God is not trying to catch you out.

What is scrupulosity?

The word comes from the Latin scrupulus, a small sharp stone, the kind that gets into your shoe and makes every step hurt. That's what it feels like. Ordinary life becomes painful because something small won't stop pressing.

Scrupulosity feels like conscience, but it works differently. A healthy conscience looks at what you did, makes a clear judgment and lets go. Scrupulosity loops. It asks "but what if?" again and again, and no answer is ever enough. The Church asks you to follow the certain judgment of your conscience (CCC 1790). An anxious doubt is not a certain judgment.

It can affect anyone: teenagers, new converts, parents, even priests and religious. It often flares in stressful seasons, and it tends to fasten on whatever you care about most. For a devout Catholic, that's sin and God.

What are the signs of scrupulosity?

• You often can't tell whether something was a sin, and the doubt stays with you for hours or days.
• You worry that ordinary things, like a passing thought or a distraction at Mass, were mortal sins.
• You confess the same past sins again because you're afraid you didn't confess them right.
• You go to Confession very often, sometimes days apart, and feel peace only briefly.
• You stay away from Communion out of fear, even when you know of no serious sin.
• You repeat prayers because you aren't sure you said them properly.
• You keep asking priests, friends or the internet whether something was a sin.
• Unwanted thoughts, often blasphemous or sexual, upset you most when you're trying to pray.

Is scrupulosity OCD?

For many people, yes. Many experience scrupulosity as a form of obsessive-compulsive disorder, sometimes called religious OCD. The doubt is the obsession. Confessing again, checking, asking for reassurance and repeating prayers are the compulsions. Each one brings a little relief, and then the doubt comes back stronger.

Not everyone with scruples has OCD. Some people go through a short season of it, often after a conversion or a return to the Church. But if the worry takes up a lot of your time, keeps you up at night or makes prayer feel like torture, talk to a therapist experienced with OCD. Many of them use an approach called exposure and response prevention, or ERP: learning, step by step, to live with the doubt without performing the ritual that feeds it.

Getting that help is not a lack of faith. Grace works through good doctors and counselors. Your confessor and your therapist can work together, and a good priest will encourage it.

What does the Church advise scrupulous people?

Confessors have given the same practical counsel to scrupulous penitents for centuries. It can feel too simple. It works because it breaks the loop.

1. Choose one regular confessor, and obey him. Tell him you struggle with scruples. When he says something wasn't a sin, or that you don't need to confess it, take his word, even when your feelings protest. Following his guidance is itself an act of trust in God.
2. Don't confess past sins again. Sins you've confessed are forgiven. So are sins you honestly forgot (see forgot a sin in confession). Confessors usually tell scrupulous penitents to mention an old sin only if they are certain it was mortal and certain it was never confessed. Going back over old confessions feeds the doubt, so leave them with God.
3. If you're in doubt, treat it as not mortal. This is a classic rule confessors give scrupulous people, and St Alphonsus taught it. A mortal sin needs grave matter, full knowledge and deliberate consent (CCC 1857). For a tender conscience, a real yes to grave sin is something you would know. So if you have to wonder whether you consented, you can treat it as not mortal. Ask your confessor to give you this rule himself.
4. Keep your confession short. Say what you're sure of, plainly, without long explanations. Your confessor may even tell you what to leave out.
5. Ask your confessor about Communion. Confessors commonly tell scrupulous penitents that only a mortal sin they are certain of keeps them from Communion, and that a "maybe" doesn't. Ask yours to say this to you personally, then follow his word rather than the fear.
6. Keep the rhythm he gives you. If he suggests confessing once a month, go once a month, not every few days. More isn't holier when it's driven by fear. See how often to go to Confession.

These rules can feel like loopholes, as if you're getting away with something. They aren't. They're mercy, applied to a conscience that judges itself far too harshly. For a scrupulous person, the virtue to grow is trust, and obeying a confessor is how you practice it.

Are intrusive thoughts sins?

No. Thoughts that come uninvited, even ugly ones about God or about sex, aren't sins, because you didn't choose them. The fact that they upset you shows you don't want them. Arguing with them or trying hard to push them out usually makes them louder. Notice the thought, don't answer it, and go back to what you were doing. It will pass, even if it returns many times.

Some people fear they've committed the unforgivable sin because a terrible thought crossed their mind. They haven't. Fearing it is a sign that they still care about God.

Saints who struggled with scruples

You're in good company. St Ignatius of Loyola went through a long stretch of scruples soon after his conversion, at Manresa. He confessed the same sins again and again, and the torment brought him near despair. He came through it, and later wrote guidance on scruples in his Spiritual Exercises that confessors still use.

St Alphonsus Liguori, a Doctor of the Church and the patron of confessors and moral theologians, struggled with scruples for much of his life. He relied on obedience to his spiritual director to keep his peace. The man who taught generations of priests how to judge sin wisely couldn't always trust his own judgment, and he wasn't ashamed to lean on someone else's.

Both became guides for anxious consciences. The struggle didn't keep them from holiness. In many ways it taught them mercy.

Where to start this week

Pick one thing. Ask a priest you trust whether he'd be your regular confessor, and tell him about the scruples. Or, if the worry is taking over your days, make an appointment with a therapist who treats OCD.

And tonight, before bed, try a different kind of prayer. Don't search your day for sins. Thank God for one good thing, say "Jesus, I trust in you," and go to sleep. He was never waiting for you to get it perfect.