Face to face or behind the screen: how to choose

You can confess either way. Face to face confession means sitting or kneeling where the priest can see you; behind the screen means kneeling on the other side of a fixed grille so he can't. Church law protects your right to the screen: confessionals with a fixed grille must always be available to anyone who wishes to use them (Code of Canon Law, can. 964 §2). Both are equally valid, and the choice is yours.

Do I have to confess face to face?

No. Canon law tells each bishops' conference to set norms for confessionals, but it adds a condition that applies everywhere: there must always be confessionals with a fixed grille, in an open and visible place, that the faithful can use freely if they wish (can. 964 §2).

In the United States, the bishops' norm for this canon, in force since 2000, puts it in practical terms. Every church and chapel must have enough places for confession that are clearly visible, truly accessible and have a fixed grille between penitent and priest. Provision "should also be made for penitents who wish to confess face-to-face." That's why most American "reconciliation rooms" have two spots: a kneeler behind a screen, and a chair facing the priest.

One more detail. The right to the screen belongs to you, but face to face is an option the priest offers, not something you can insist on. A 1998 official interpretation of the canon also lets a priest, for a good reason, hear confessions only behind the grille, even if a penitent would prefer otherwise. Some priests do this as a matter of prudence. If your priest does, it isn't about you.

Is one way better than the other?

No. The sacrament is the same. Your sins are forgiven just as fully behind a screen as face to face, and the seal of confession protects everything you say either way. The difference is only in what helps you confess honestly.

Why some people choose face to face

• The conversation is easier. You can hear each other well, and the priest can see when you're struggling and slow down.
• Advice fits better. If you're working on a habit or a hard decision, it can help to talk it through like two people at a table.
• It feels less formal. Some people, especially those who confess often to the same priest, find it warm and natural.
• The gesture of absolution. The priest extends his hand over you, or over your head, as he absolves. Face to face, you see it.

Why some people choose the screen

• Anonymity. The priest doesn't see your face. For sins you find embarrassing, that can make it possible to say them at all.
• Focus. With no eye contact, it's easier to think of the priest as standing in for Christ and to speak to God rather than to a man you'll see at coffee after Mass.
• Less nerves. Many people coming back after years, or confessing something serious, find the screen quieter.

Neither choice says anything about how holy or brave you are. Pick whichever helps you be honest. You can switch from one confession to the next.

How do I ask for the screen or face to face?

Usually you don't need to ask. You just go to the place you want.

• In a traditional confessional box, you kneel behind the grille. It's the screen by default.
• In a reconciliation room, look around as you walk in. Kneel at the screen if you want to be anonymous, or go around it and sit in the chair facing the priest if you want face to face. You don't have to explain.
• If you can't tell which is which, say quietly, "Father, I'd like to confess behind the screen," or "Is it all right if I sit here?" Priests hear this all the time.

If the only setup available is face to face, for example at a penance service where priests sit in chairs around the church, you can ask an usher whether one of the confessionals is in use. Or come back at the parish's regular confession time, when the confessional is open.

Whichever you choose, the rest is the same. If you need a refresher on the words, see what to say in confession.

What if I want to stay completely anonymous?

A screen hides your face, but a priest who knows you may still recognize your voice. If that worries you, you have good options.

1. Go to another parish. You can confess to any priest with the faculty to hear confessions, not only your own pastor. More in can you go to confession at any Catholic church.
2. Try a busy downtown church, cathedral or shrine. Many have confessions daily, with several priests and a steady line of strangers.
3. Go to a penance service. Visiting priests from other parishes hear confessions too, and you can choose one you don't know.
4. Leave out details that identify you. You need to name the kind of sin and, for serious sins, roughly how often. You don't need names, places or anything that points to who you are.
5. Lower your voice. Speak softly. Nobody in line should hear you, and it can make your voice harder to place.

It also helps to remember what a priest does with what he hears: nothing. He may never reveal it, and he may not use it in any way that burdens you (Code of Canon Law, can. 983 and 984). He won't bring it up when he sees you later.

If you're still not sure

If you're nervous, choose the screen the first time. It takes no explaining, and you can always try face to face later once the nerves settle. What matters is that you go.