Going back to Confession after years away

Maybe it's been five years. Maybe it's been twenty, and the last time was before your Confirmation. The longer it's been, the bigger the door looks. Here's something that might help: many priests say these are the confessions they're happiest to hear. Someone coming back after years is exactly what the sacrament is for.

You don't need a perfect memory

The biggest worry is usually "I can't possibly remember everything." You don't have to. The Church asks for an honest examination and an honest confession of the serious sins you can remember, with their kind and roughly how often (CCC 1456; Code of Canon Law, can. 988). After a long time away, that often sounds like "regularly, for several years" or "many times." That's an acceptable answer.

Anything you sincerely forget is forgiven too. If a serious sin comes back to you later, you simply mention it next time.

Prepare over a few evenings, not one night

Trying to review twenty years in one sitting is a recipe for anxiety. Spread it out. Take three or four evenings. Use the Ten Commandments as a guide (we have a full list of questions), think through the main seasons of your life, and write down a few words for each thing you want to confess.

Don't try to write the story. You're making a list, not a memoir. "Stopped going to Mass for about ten years" is enough. The priest doesn't need the reasons unless you want to share them.

Practical things that make it easier

• Pick a parish where nobody knows you, if that helps you be honest. Plenty of people do this.
• Or call and ask for an appointment. Tell the office you'd like to make a Confession and it's been a long time. You'll get more time and no line behind you.
• Choose the screen or face to face, whichever is easier. Both are fine.
• Say it right away: "Father, it's been about fifteen years since my last confession, and I'm nervous." Then let him guide you.
• Bring your list. Reading from notes is normal.

What it's like afterwards

People describe it differently: relief, tears, a strange lightness, or honestly not much feeling at all. Feelings aren't the measure. The absolution is real either way. If you're able, go to Mass soon after and receive Communion. It's a good way to close a long chapter.

Jesus told a story about this. A son who had wasted everything decided to go home, rehearsing his apology on the road. The father didn't wait for it: "when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and was moved with compassion, and running to him fell upon his neck, and kissed him" (Luke 15:20, Douay-Rheims). The speech the son prepared barely got started.