Examination of conscience: how to prepare for Confession

The examination of conscience is the part most of us rush. We do it in the car on the way to church, or in the line, and then the curtain closes and our mind goes blank. A little preparation changes the whole experience. You walk in knowing what you want to say, and you can actually pay attention to what the priest says back.

Start with prayer, not a checklist

An examination of conscience isn't an audit. You're looking at your life with God, who already knows it and loves you anyway. Before you start, ask the Holy Spirit for light: something as simple as "Lord, show me what I need to see." Then go slowly. Ten or fifteen quiet minutes is plenty.

Look back to your last good Confession. If that was years ago, don't panic. You don't need a perfect inventory of every day. You need an honest one. (If that's you, we wrote a separate guide for going back after years away.)

Questions based on the Ten Commandments

The Church asks you to examine your conscience “in the light of the Word of God,” such as the Sermon on the Mount (CCC 1454). The Ten Commandments are the traditional guide, and these questions follow them. Read them slowly and stop where something catches.

1. I am the Lord your God; you shall have no other gods before me

• Have I made time for prayer, or have I let God drift to the edges of my life?
• Have I put money, success, comfort or another person ahead of God?
• Have I been involved in superstition, fortune-telling or the occult?

2. You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain

• Have I used God's name carelessly, in anger, or as a curse?
• Have I broken a promise or vow made to God?

3. Remember to keep holy the Lord's day

• Have I missed Mass on a Sunday or holy day of obligation without a serious reason?
• Have I made Sunday a day of rest and of time with God and family?

4. Honor your father and your mother

• Have I been disrespectful or unkind to my parents, or neglected them?
• As a parent or spouse, have I been patient, present and fair at home?

5. You shall not kill

• Have I held on to anger, hatred or a grudge, or refused to forgive?
• Have I hurt someone with violence or with my words?
• Have I harmed my own health through drunkenness, drugs or reckless behavior?

6 and 9. You shall not commit adultery; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife

• Have I been faithful, in thought and in action?
• Have I viewed pornography or entertained impure thoughts on purpose?
• Have I engaged in sexual activity outside of marriage?

7 and 10. You shall not steal; you shall not covet your neighbor's goods

• Have I taken what isn't mine, cheated, or failed to pay what I owe?
• Have I been envious or greedy, or ignored people in need?

8. You shall not bear false witness

• Have I lied, or exaggerated to make myself look better?
• Have I gossiped, or damaged someone's reputation?

The precepts of the Church

• Have I gone to Confession at least once a year, and received Communion at least during the Easter season (CCC 2042)?
• Have I kept the days of fasting and abstinence?

Serious or not?

Catholics distinguish mortal sin from venial sin. For a sin to be mortal, three things must all be true: the matter is grave, you knew it was seriously wrong, and you chose it freely anyway (CCC 1857). That's why the same act can weigh differently for two people.

You don't have to settle this on your own. Be careful not to judge yourself too harshly or too lightly. If you're unsure, confess it and say you're unsure. And if you find that examining your conscience leaves you anxious and going in circles over the same things, tell your confessor. Many good Catholics struggle with this, and a regular confessor can guide you.

Write it down, keep it short

A few words per sin is enough: what it was, and roughly how often. "Lied to my boss, a few times." "Missed Mass twice." You're not writing a diary. You're making sure you don't forget anything you want to bring to God.