First confession as an adult: how to prepare

If you're making your first confession as an adult, the best first step is simple: tell a priest it's your first one and ask for a time to meet. Then look back over your life since your baptism, write down the serious sins you remember and roughly how often, and bring that list with you. The priest will guide you through the rest. Adults make first confessions every year, and priests are glad to hear them.

Who makes a first confession as an adult?

Most adults come to a first confession by one of two roads.

You were baptized in another Christian church and are becoming Catholic. If your baptism was valid (with water and in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit), the Church recognizes it and you are not baptized again. But the sins you've committed since that baptism still need forgiveness, so you make your first confession before you are received into the Church and receive Communion for the first time. Your parish will usually schedule it during your preparation in OCIA.

You were baptized Catholic but never confessed. Maybe your family stopped practicing after your baptism. Maybe you were confirmed as a teenager in a program that somehow skipped it. Maybe you received Communion for years without anyone mentioning Confession. However it happened, you can make your first confession now. Nothing about it is too late.

What if I've never been baptized?

Then you don't go to Confession first. Baptism itself forgives all sins, original sin and every personal sin, along with all punishment due to sin (CCC 1263). An unbaptized adult who becomes Catholic is baptized, usually at the Easter Vigil, and starts life in Christ completely clean. Your first confession comes later, the first time you need it after baptism.

So if you're preparing for baptism and dreading a lifetime confession, you can set that worry down.

How do I examine a whole life?

This is the part that scares people most. It's more manageable than it looks. The Church asks you to confess every grave sin you can remember after an honest look back, naming what it was and roughly how many times (CCC 1456; Code of Canon Law, can. 988). Not every small fault. Not a perfect count. The ones that clearly matter, as best you can.

1. Ask for light first. A short prayer is enough: "Holy Spirit, help me see my life honestly, and help me trust your mercy."
2. Go through your life in chapters. Childhood from about age seven (or from your baptism, if that came later), teenage years, college or early work, relationships, marriage, the last few years. Chapters help memory more than a single blank page does.
3. Use the commandments as your questions. An examination of conscience for adults walks through them with questions about work, money, family and life online. Read slowly and stop where something catches.
4. Write short notes. A few words per sin, plus "once", "a few times", "for about two years" or "often". Estimates are fine. That's what the priest expects.
5. Separate the serious from the small. If you aren't sure what counts as grave, read what makes a sin mortal. Venial sins can be mentioned too, but they aren't required.
6. Stop when you've been honest. You don't need to spend weeks on it. A few unhurried evenings is plenty for most people.

If you forget something, it is still forgiven with everything else. If it comes back to you later, you simply mention it at your next confession.

Should I talk to the priest first?

Yes, if you can. A first confession that covers many years can take longer than the five minutes before Saturday Mass, and it helps both of you to have time. Call or email the parish office and say something like: "I'm an adult and I'd like to make my first confession. Could I make an appointment with a priest?" Most parishes are used to this request, and many priests would much rather set aside half an hour than have you feel rushed with a line behind you.

Meeting beforehand also lets you ask questions. How does it work? Can I read from my notes? Should I sit face to face or kneel behind the screen? Is there anything in my life, like a past marriage, that I should talk about outside of Confession? Your priest can answer all of it. If you're in OCIA, your coordinator will often set the appointment for you.

If an appointment isn't possible, regular confession times are fine too. Just go when the line is short, or near the end, and start by telling the priest it's your first confession.

What do I say in my first confession?

Keep it plain. The priest will help you along, and he won't be surprised by anything.

1. Begin. Make the Sign of the Cross. Say, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. This is my first confession." If you're a convert, you can add that you were baptized in another church.
2. Confess. Read from your list. Say what you did and about how often, without long stories. If you aren't sure how to word something, say so; he'll help.
3. Listen. The priest may offer some advice and will give you a penance, often a prayer or a small act of charity.
4. Pray an act of sorrow. He'll ask you to pray an Act of Contrition. Reading it from a card or your phone is completely fine.
5. Receive absolution. The priest prays the words of absolution. Your sins are forgiven. Then do your penance soon, ideally that same day.

Our page on what to say in confession has more wording if you want it.

What if I'm embarrassed or afraid?

Almost everyone is, the first time. A few things help. The priest is bound by the seal of Confession and can never reveal what you say. He has heard the same sins many times before, from people who also thought theirs were the worst. And he isn't there to judge your past. He is there to hand you God's forgiveness.

If shame makes it hard to speak, you can say, "Father, there's something hard to say." He'll wait, or ask gently. Some adults find it easier to start with the hardest sin and get it out first. Others save it for last. Either works.

After your first confession

Do your penance. Thank God, in your own words. Then plan your next confession. Many Catholics go monthly, and regular confession is far easier than the first: you're only looking back a few weeks. A short look at each day before bed keeps the next list small and honest. You've just done the hardest one, so be gentle with yourself on the way home.