First Reconciliation: how parents can prepare their child

First Reconciliation preparation usually happens through your parish, around age seven or in second grade, before your child's First Communion. The parish teaches the basics, but you do the most important part at home: explaining sin and God's mercy in simple words, practicing what to say, and helping your child look back over their days. It helps most of all if they see you go to Confession too.

When do children make their First Reconciliation?

Church law presumes that children reach the use of reason once they turn seven (Code of Canon Law, can. 97). From then on they can tell right from wrong and can be prepared to receive the sacraments of Penance and the Eucharist. The Church asks that children go to Confession before their First Communion (CCC 1457), and Church law gives parents, together with pastors, the first duty of making sure their children are well prepared and make their confession before their First Communion (Code of Canon Law, can. 914).

In most US parishes, that means second grade. Many parishes ask for a year of religious education or Catholic school beforehand, then a year of sacramental preparation. First Reconciliation often comes in the fall or winter, with First Communion in the spring. Details vary by diocese and parish, so ask your parish office or director of religious education early.

How do parishes prepare children?

Most programs follow a similar pattern. Your child will usually have:

• Classes on God's love, the Ten Commandments, sin and forgiveness, often with a workbook to finish at home.
• A parent meeting or two, where the parish explains the program and what they're asking of you.
• A walk-through of the confessional or reconciliation room, so the space isn't strange on the day.
• The First Reconciliation itself, often at a parish service where several priests hear the children's confessions one by one, with families in the pews.

The parish will probably give you a simple examination of conscience and the Act of Contrition they teach. Use their version, so your child hears the same words at home and in class.

Explaining sin and mercy at home

Children understand sin best as choosing not to love: not loving God, not loving other people, not telling the truth. Keep it concrete. Hitting a sibling, lying about homework, refusing to share, saying something mean on purpose.

Help them see the difference between a sin and an accident. Spilling the milk isn't a sin. Forgetting isn't a sin. A sin is something you chose to do even though you knew it was wrong.

Then spend at least as long on mercy. Read the parable of the prodigal son together (Luke 15:11–32) and stop at the father running out to meet his son. Or the shepherd who leaves the ninety-nine to find one lost sheep (Luke 15:4–7). The message to land is simple: God loves to forgive, and he runs to meet us. Confession is where he does it.

Tell them, too, that the priest is never allowed to tell anyone what they say. Not you, not their teacher, not anyone. You can read more about the seal of Confession if they ask.

Practicing the words

Practice turns a scary unknown into something familiar. Walk through it a few times in the weeks before:

1. Make the Sign of the Cross. The priest may begin with a greeting or a short blessing.
2. Say the opening words. "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. This is my first confession."
3. Tell the sins. Simply and in their own words. "I hit my brother. I lied to my mom. I didn't say my prayers."
4. Listen. The priest may say a few kind words and will give a penance, usually a short prayer.
5. Pray the Act of Contrition. Whatever version the parish teaches. It's fine to read it from a card.
6. Receive absolution. The priest prays the words of forgiveness. Your child can answer "Amen," then say "Thank you, Father."
7. Do the penance. Right away, in the pew, if it's a prayer.

When you role-play, use made-up sins ("I took my sister's crayons") or let your child play the priest. Never ask your child to practice with their real sins. What they confess is between them, the priest and God. A full walk-through for adults is in what happens in Confession.

A simple examination for children

A few days before, sit together somewhere quiet. Pray "Holy Spirit, help me remember." Then let your child think about a few questions on their own:

• Did I pray to God, and did I behave at Mass?
• Did I obey my parents and teachers?
• Did I tell the truth?
• Was I kind to my brothers, sisters and friends, or did I hit, tease or leave someone out?
• Did I take something that wasn't mine?

If they want, they can write a word or two for each thing on a small piece of paper and bring it in. Our examination of conscience for kids has more questions, and help for when they say they have nothing to confess. You don't need to read their paper. Afterward, they can tear it up.

When your child is nervous

Most children are, a little. Tell them that's normal, that grown-ups feel it too, and that the priest has heard children's confessions many times and is glad they came. If your parish offers a choice, let them pick behind the screen or face to face. If they forget what to say, the priest will help. Our page on being scared of Confession has more ideas you can adapt.

A few small things help on the day. Arrive early so there's no rush. Sit near the front so the wait is short. Let your child hold their paper or the Act of Contrition card. Kneel next to them in the pew and pray quietly while they wait. When they come out, don't ask what they said or what the priest told them. A hug and "I'm proud of you" is enough. If they want to tell you about it later, they will.

Go to Confession yourself first

Children believe what they see. If they've watched you go to Confession, they'll know it's something grown-ups do too, for their whole lives. Go in the weeks before, and tell them you went. You don't need to say anything about what you confessed. Just how it felt to come out.

Then make the day itself a celebration. Many families go out for ice cream or have a special dinner afterward. Keep going together as a family, every month or every season, so the first time is a beginning. If you need a refresher on the steps for yourself, start with how to go to Confession.