Examination of conscience for kids: a guide for parents

An examination of conscience for kids is a short set of simple questions that helps a child think back and notice where they weren't loving. This page is for parents of children about 7 to 11. Read the questions aloud with your child, let them answer quietly in their own heart, and help them choose a few things to tell the priest. The list is theirs, and you don't need to hear it.

How do I help my child examine their conscience?

Pick a calm moment, not right after a fight. The evening before Confession, or in the car on the way, both work. Sit beside your child and begin with a one-line prayer: "Jesus, help me remember the times I wasn't loving."

Then read the questions below slowly. Pause after each one. Tell your child they don't have to answer out loud. They can just think "yes" or "no." When something is a "yes," they can write a word or two, or draw a small picture if they don't write much yet. Help with spelling if they ask, without commenting on the word.

Five or ten minutes is plenty. Children don't need to remember every single thing. Two or three honest sins, told with a sorry heart, make a good Confession.

Questions to read with your child

Jesus and prayer

• Did I talk to God this week, even for a minute?
• Did I say God's name or Jesus' name when I was angry or being silly?
• Did I goof around or bother people at Mass on purpose?

Mom, Dad and family

• Did I obey Mom and Dad, or did I do what I wanted instead?
• Did I talk back, yell or stomp off when I didn't get my way?
• Was I mean to my brother or sister? Did I hit, push or tease them to make them cry?
• Did I help at home when I was asked?

Friends and school

• Did I call anyone names, or laugh when someone else was being made fun of?
• Did I leave someone out on purpose?
• Did I hit or kick someone when I was angry?
• Did I cheat on a test, on homework or in a game?
• Did I listen to my teacher, or did I make it hard for the class on purpose?

Telling the truth and taking care of things

• Did I tell a lie, or blame someone else for something I did?
• Did I take something that wasn't mine, or break something and hide it?
• Did I watch or look at something I knew Mom and Dad wouldn't want me to see?
• Was I jealous or grumpy because someone else had something I wanted?
• Did I stay angry at someone and refuse to forgive them?

Older children, around 10 or 11, may be ready for a little more. Our examination of conscience for teens is the next step up.

How do I help without pressuring my child?

• Don't suggest their sins. "Remember when you hit your sister?" turns the examination into a parent's report card. Let your child notice for themselves. What they find is what they confess.
• Never use Confession as a threat. "I'm telling Father" or "You'll have to confess that" makes the sacrament a punishment. Confession is where Jesus forgives, and children should hear it described that way.
• Separate mistakes from sins. Spilling milk, forgetting homework or losing a game aren't sins. A sin is choosing to do something you know is wrong. Say this out loud, because children often confuse the two.
• Keep it short. If your child gets restless, stop. A few minutes of real attention is better than a long session they dread.
• Go yourself. Children notice when a parent goes to Confession too. Stand in the same line if you can.

One more thing. If your child mentions something someone else did to them, that isn't their sin. Listen, believe them, and act to keep them safe.

Should I read my child's list?

No. Your child's sins are between your child, the priest and God. The priest is bound by the seal of Confession and may never reveal what anyone confesses (CCC 1467). That seal protects a seven-year-old exactly as it protects an adult. Parents aren't the priest, but it helps to honor the same trust at home.

So don't read the list, don't ask what they said, and don't ask what penance they got. If your child chooses to tell you, listen kindly and leave it there. Afterward, many families tear up the list together or throw it away. Children love this, and it teaches something true: once forgiven, those sins are gone.

What does my child say in Confession?

1. Start. "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. This is my first Confession," or "It has been two months since my last Confession."
2. Tell the sins. Simply, in their own words: "I lied to my mom. I was mean to my brother."
3. Finish. "I'm sorry for these sins." Then they listen to the priest, who will give a penance, usually a short prayer.
4. Pray the Act of Contrition. They can read the Act of Contrition from a card. Priests are used to helping children through it.
5. Receive absolution. The priest prays the words of forgiveness. Then your child goes and does the penance.

The Church asks children to make their first Confession before their First Communion (CCC 1457). If your child is preparing for that first time, our guide to first reconciliation preparation covers the whole season.

Can kids do a nightly examen too?

Yes, and it's one of the easiest habits to start. At bedtime, ask two questions: "When did you feel close to God today?" and "Is there anything you're sorry for?" Then a short prayer, and lights out. Over time, this makes the examination before Confession feel familiar instead of strange. Our page on teaching kids to pray has more ideas.

What if my child says they have nothing to confess?

Take it calmly. Sometimes a child really can't think of anything, and sometimes they're shy. Read two or three questions again, slowly, and wait. If nothing comes, that's all right. They can still go in and tell the priest, "I can't think of anything, Father." He will ask a gentle question or two and guide them from there. Priests know how to talk with children. What matters is that your child walks in without fear.

After Confession

Make it a happy day. A treat, a walk, a hug at the church door. You don't need to ask how it went. A simple "I'm proud of you for going" is enough, and it tells your child that Confession is a place they can always come back to.