Examination of conscience for men: honest questions before Confession

An examination of conscience for men uses the same Ten Commandments as any other, with questions aimed at the places where many men actually struggle: work and ambition, money, anger, pride, purity and drinking, and the people at home. The questions below are grouped by area. Skip what doesn't apply, go slowly, and stop where something catches.

Why a separate examination for men?

The commandments don't change, and every Catholic is asked to examine his conscience “in the light of the Word of God” (CCC 1454). What changes is where they show up. A general list asks, "Have I been angry?" A more specific one asks whether you took a bad day at work out on the people at home.

Not every man reading this is married or a father, so some sections start with "if". If you'd prefer the classic list, ordered by the commandments, it's here: examination of conscience.

Before you begin

Ask the Holy Spirit for light, in one sentence: "Lord, show me what I need to see." Then look back to your last Confession. You're looking for choices you made, not for every flaw in your character. Be honest, and be fair to yourself. Ten quiet minutes is plenty. If it's been years, an honest rough picture is enough; you don't need a perfect record.

Questions about God

Prayer and faith at home

• Have I prayed, even briefly, or have I treated God as something for emergencies?
• Have I taken my share of responsibility for faith at home, or left it all to someone else?
• Have I been embarrassed to be known as a Catholic at work or among friends?
• Have I used God's name carelessly, as a curse, or in anger?
• Have I received Communion while aware of a serious sin I hadn't yet confessed (CCC 1385)?

Sunday

• Have I missed Mass on a Sunday or holy day of obligation without a serious reason (CCC 2181)?
• Have I let sports, work or errands push God out of Sunday?

Questions about family

For everyone

• Have I been disrespectful to my parents, or neglected them as they've grown older?
• Have I held a grudge against a brother, sister or relative, and refused to make the first move?

If you are single

• In dating, have I respected the woman I'm with, or used her for attention or pleasure?
• Have I put off growing up, avoiding commitment and responsibility because it's easier?
• Have I used my free time and money generously, or mostly on myself?

If you are married

• Have I loved my wife the way Christ loves the Church, giving myself rather than expecting to be served?
• Have I listened to her, or tuned her out?
• Have I been harsh, cold or dismissive with her, or criticized her in front of others?
• Have I been faithful in thought and action, including online?
• Have we been open to life in the way the Church asks of married couples (CCC 2370)?

If you are a father

• Have I been present for my children, or just in the house?
• Have I prayed with them and shown them what faith looks like in a man's life?
• Have I lost my temper with them, or disciplined them out of anger instead of love?
• Have I given them my attention, or mostly my phone or the TV?

Questions about work, ambition and money

• Have I tied my worth to my title or income, and looked down on myself or others because of it?
• Have I let work take the time and attention that belong to God and my family?
• Have I given honest work for my pay, and been fair to the people who work for me?
• Have I cut corners, cheated, or bent the truth to close a deal?
• Have I envied a colleague's success, or tried to bring him down?
• Have I hidden spending or debt from my wife, or made big money decisions without her?
• Have I gambled money my family needed (CCC 2413)?
• Have I been generous with the poor, or kept everything for myself?

Questions about anger, pride and drinking

• Have I lost my temper, shouted, or used my size or voice to intimidate someone?
• Have I held on to anger and wished harm on someone?
• Have I refused to apologize because I couldn't stand being wrong?
• Have I looked down on people I think are beneath me?
• Have I drunk to the point of drunkenness, or driven after drinking (CCC 2290)?
• Have I used alcohol, drugs or screens to avoid my problems instead of facing them?

Questions about purity

Lust is one of the most common things men bring to Confession, so there's no need to feel alone with it. Answer these plainly, without dwelling on details.

• Have I looked at pornography? The Church teaches that it is grave matter (CCC 2354).
• Have I deliberately entertained lustful thoughts or fantasies?
• Have I committed impure acts, alone or with someone else?
• Have I treated women as objects, in how I looked at them or talked about them?
• Have I engaged in sexual activity outside of marriage?
• Have I kept the apps, sites or situations that I know lead me into sin?

If this is a long-standing habit, say so in Confession. Habit can lessen how responsible you are (CCC 1735), and a priest can help you take practical steps.

Questions about friendship and honesty

• Have I lied, or exaggerated to look better?
• Have I gossiped, or damaged someone's reputation with my words?
• Have I gone along with crude talk or cruelty in a group because I didn't want to stand out?
• Have I kept friendships that pull me away from God, or neglected the ones that help me?
• Have I been there for a friend who was struggling?

How do I know if something is a mortal sin?

A sin is mortal only when three things are all true: the matter is grave, you knew it was seriously wrong, and you chose it with deliberate consent (CCC 1857). You don't need to settle every question alone. If you're unsure, confess it and say you're unsure, and the priest will help.

If you tend to worry too much about sin, keep it simple. Confess what you clearly know, and trust the priest with the rest.

What do I say in Confession?

A few words per sin: what it was, and roughly how often. "I lost my temper with my kids, several times." "I looked at pornography, most weeks." No backstory needed. For the full conversation from "Bless me, Father" to the absolution, see what to say in Confession, or start with how to go to Confession if it's been a while.